are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
