whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish you could order shots online.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
