They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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