i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
