omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
