Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When are your genitals available?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
