whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
