so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
