Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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