Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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