I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
