It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
