I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
