I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
