So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
