Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
