ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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