A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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