I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
