dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And then my night got REAL pukey
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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