apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize