I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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