He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
