Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
NoShamevember. You game?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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