after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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