Fine. I'll sleep in my office
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
