Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
