the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
