I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
