I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
