On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
