"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
