youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im holly from the hills drunk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
