FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
