Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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