Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry gahhhhh hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(845): View more from New York

I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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(248): View more from Michigan

remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite

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(410): View more from Maryland

you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.

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(513): View more from Ohio

sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does

(513): View more from Ohio

i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one

(609): View more from New Jersey

ravioli

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(408): View more from California

that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it

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(518): View more from New York

I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?

(704): View more from North Carolina

Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.

(980): View more from North Carolina

He absolutely would.

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