I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were trust falling into bushes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
