he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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