I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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