and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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