in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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