filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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