I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
