just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
