carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
