you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
