i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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