we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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