dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
