Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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