My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Where are you guys?
Drunk
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
