a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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