You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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