ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
3pm strippers are depressing
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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