I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
