I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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