I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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