Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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