No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
