It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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