I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
please don't ironically join a cult
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