Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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