youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you had me at cake vodka
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
