found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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