The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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