Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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