The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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