Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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