Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
soo... how was my night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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