in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
