I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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