alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
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i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
smell my finger.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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