There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
