maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
