Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
