I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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