i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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