Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
