Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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